In my bubble

my only fear was judgment, but why fear that, because it's inevitable... this is my bubble of struggles, love, life, hope, and dreams...

Friday, May 21, 2010


So many girls struggle with the same problem that only those who were given that struggle can imagine and understand just how hard it is to fight it.

No, im not bulimic, or anorexic... i love food too much, but I do struggle with one thing im sure many other girls struggle with, and i want to express it whether or not people actually read these blogs .

I struggle with self image. Its quite a silly thing people might think... even I think that, many many times... but it wasn't enough to just tell myself:
" Love your body, and yourself, then others will grow to love you "
" Beauty is in the eye of the beholder "

I'm not a fat girl, Im not skinny, I would call myself chubby, and even being chubby, i really beat myself up for being like that, treating my body that way, which is just eating, Food gives me comfort, but after i just hate myself for it . There are so many things that steam from how i use to be a stick, to now being chubby. Though alot of people may think, " there are so many more ppl in worst situations, how dare you speak about being 'chubby' " but that's not the point,... the fact is that no matter the situation, we're all struggling the same thing, the death gripping pressures of society!... (and for me personally being a dancer with all other skinny as a stick dancers)that's always been the problem, for girls and for guys.

I believe though, that if i look in the mirror everyday, and tell myself "you're beautiful." things might change... lets give it a try.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Will Smith?

The whole morning I’ve been researching about people. People to me are so interesting. So intriguing, so complex, so little, but yet, we make the world what it is.

I’ve been on a journey of self searching... trying to figure out what i love to do. What i want to do, what would drive me. What drive other people, how do people love, how to people react to things, how do people live despite the stress, and struggles in life, where do they get their strength from? Their success?

So far, i’ve just been so inspired by one of my favourite actors, Will Smith, He’s incredible in so many ways. He’s a great actor, and i watched one youtube video after another to just find out more about him after watching the first one where someone put together things that he’s said, his wisdom, thoughts, its all so inspiring.

I’m actually not a big fan of anything or anyone to be honest, so i didn’t know a single thing aobut will Smith except how i just like his character on screen and he just had a glow that appealed to me , So this all made me start researching him, and his family. First I saw the love that he had with his wife Jada... it was amazing. To see their faithfulness to each other, having divorce not being an option helped them stay together for more than 10 yrs in this divorce prone world. And imagine all the attention they have from the world, other fans, other celebs, they are both so hot, i can’t imagine how many people go after each of them. But still they are like a knot that can’t be untied. Their love and companionship, how proud she is about him, and how much he just loves her was so beautiful. They are to me, the most genuine couple in Hollywood. They truely love each other, there is no doubt. It really made me want to have the same love for my future husband which i’m confident i will have because tieing that knot to me isn’t a simple task. Its scary to some people. But it’s good that i can scare them away, cuase its not someone that i would want anyways ...hah

Jada is such a strong women, she knows how to control situations and her love for Will is strong, you can tell she trusts in him and “can’t imagine herself with no one else “ as she stated. Yet she seems independent I look up to great role models like them, I believe one of the many things that motivate me to live and strive for higher and be great role models, are my role models. This family is only one of a million in the world.

"iknow who i am , and what i believe! ", thats all you need to know!

“i hate to be scared of being scared of doing something, the fear of fear movitivates me “

“The truth is constant. Can’t be scared to die for it”

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


I originally blogged on xanga, but it's now become more of my private blog...

So here's my first, first blog...
This new blog marks new memories, new thoughts, new posts...

This year I've actually experienced many firsts...
my first yr in University,
my first time over drinking to the point where I throw up,
my first residence birthday experience,
my first swarvsovski necklace,
my first time away from home just for school,
my first time living with ceci my roommate for a whole year,
my first time church hopping so much,
my first time being around so many Koreans,
my first time putting as much trust as I've ever given to God,..about everything.
my first time watching Saw... for 10mins,
my first time auditioning for a University Dance team,
my first time throwing two surprise parties in one night,
my first time staying up all night to study,
my first time dancing til 3am for a show the next day,
my first time finding someone i want to love in a special way,
ie. my first boyfriend,
my first time stepping into a bar under aged (performance, no fake ID's!)
my first XX on my hands,
my first time dancing in front of a live 1200+ crowd,

There have been many firsts, and not to mention many memories I hope to rmb ...
as you can probably tell, in a nutshell my first year can be summarized by God, friends, love, dance.

Can't wait for what God has planned for 2nd yr.