let me not forget the vision you displayed to me... i can't even ask you right now to wash me clean (psalm 51:2,isaih 1:18)... i know you can, but i feel like dirt and oil that might as well stay like that if im gonna have to be washed again... i know this is a false thought from satan, to think i can't be clean again, but i know i can. just not now.. this is too much for me...

i need to know first in my heart that i really truly can do this first..to have a better chance of not having You wash me again,... atleast not that often, because i know im a sinner, convict me, change me from inside out, then undeservingly cleanse me, change my thoughts, and keep me strong.

sounds like a lot of controversy, but i know God knows what im talking about, thats all that matters..